Survival
Another moonless night, the black sky only littered with sparkling stars, each one happy to not be outshone. Without the moon, without Tsukuyomi, everywhere was plunged into darkness each night.
This is a short story from my upcoming anthology Tales of Yamato. A collection of stories set in the historic Japanese Muromachi period, but with a fantasy flair including magic, gods, and supernatural yokai.
I post new stories up on Ream every month, before releasing the previous monthβs story up to read for free. Ream is also where you can read Tanuki Troubles for free.
Another moonless night, the black sky only littered with sparkling stars, each one happy to not be outshone. Without the moon, without Tsukuyomi, everywhere was plunged into darkness each night. And it was all my fault. Iβd angered the moon deity.
Boots tapping across a stone bridge, echoing between the trees; the dark would not keep me from my goal. I passed over a stream gurgling, giggling at my misfortune; it erupted into laughter as my boot crashed into the cold water, sinking deeper into the mud and pulling me down until I wrenched myself away. I scrabbled around, arms out, feeling for anything to help pull me free. My fingertips grazed a rock and held enough, gripping tight, as I found my way out and back to the path.
Ahead, the trees surrounding me thinned, the path widening to a long staircase. Wet and muddy, I slowly made my way up the ancient steps, feeling the air around me change. It was subtle at first, like an incoming storm, and my skin prickled. A few more steps and it became nearly impossible to endure.
I am not wanted here.
And yet, I continued.
My legs were heavy now, dragged down by the weight of the air, by my responsibility, by the sheer exhaustion I felt from doing this at every shrine. This was the seventh now, one for each of the phases of the visible moon. If this didnβt workβ¦
βPlease,β I begged, feeling close to the torii gate. Once I passed that, Iβd be in the realm of the gods. βLet me in.β
I pressed onwards, panting with exertion. I had to make it through, had to talk to Tsukuyomi.
The torii gate loomed above now, the air hummed with magic. I was at the threshold of mortals and gods, ready to serve, as always. At least in this form.
Fire erupted in a crackling whoosh, the stone lanterns lining the steps now lit up brightly. I yelped, falling to my knees, and scrunched my eyes tight, blinded. It took a few moments for my eyes to adjust, to see the shrine before me, welcoming and warm.
I didnβt waste time climbing the last of the steps, making my way up the steep hill to the highest part of the town. From the top I could see buildings sprawled out between the treetops, obscuring my view. This was a place of solitude, of reverence, not for us to look down on others.
βTsukuyomi,β I called to the sky, βhear me, please.β
Silence.
βIβm sorry,β I continued. βI shouldnβt have killed him in your light. But you told meβ¦ I had no choiceβ¦ I was exhausted, it was the perfect chance. I didnβt want to.β Then I added quietly, βI loved him.β
Silence.
βBut I did it for you, so I could keep living. Just like you wanted.β I growled in frustration, βwhat more do you want from me? Show yourself! How many times must I do this?β
Silence.
Iβd had enough of this. I wasnβt sure what else I could do. How did you get a god to listen?
Dejected, I sat down on the steps and rested. Every shrine had been the same, empty, the gods just out of reach. Did I keep going, orβ¦
After a while I stood and walked to the first building, the haiden. It was small and adorned sparsely, the whole shrine showed signs of disuse, despite being in a large town. Before I stepped up, I stopped to bow to the two large komainu who guarded it, their lion-dog faces pulled into a snarl and watching me carefully. Holding my breath, I took tentative steps closer, hoping theyβd let me past. So far, I was safe. I dug into my pockets for a handful of koban, then slipped the money into the donation box. With two hands, I grabbed the thick rope and rang the bell, the clang calling out in the quiet, perhaps enough to stir the gods. Two bows, two claps, and I pressed my hands together in prayer.
Tsukuyomi, I am a devoted follower after the gift you gave us. Please give us guidance, mercy, or even just a sign you are listening.
One final bow, and I was done.
I felt hollow, exhausted, and alone. It would be a long walk back.
With my heart still heavy, I began the descent. I could feel magic starting to ebb away from me, leaving me cold. The shrineβs sacred magic breathed a warmth into me that human magic couldnβt. Here I didnβt need to hide my true nature, my true self. The gods saw right through meβββnot that I had anything to hide from them. Theyβd given me what I wanted. I wasnβt going to waste this chance.
The other godsβ¦ would they bless me instead? Perhaps Tsukuyomiβs siblings, Amaterasu or Susanoo. Iβd felt their magic lingering at previous shrines; however, they didnβt like him. Why would they offer me help?
The last red torii gate still stood strong as I passed beneath, its colour muting in the dying light. The fire behind me flickered lower, until I was left in the dark once again. A magical emptiness in my chest reminded me I was back to normal, that I walked among the humans, ones I wasnβt the safest from right now. It had been threeβββfour?βββweeks since I had killed, since Iβd immersed my body in human magic to keep living like this. Every kill loosened my soul, and being around humans made it harder to keep it attached. I needed isolation, to hide away and rest, but speaking to Tsukuyomi was my priority. Only after that would I allow myself to disappear.
Making my way back to the town was easier than my arrival, the shrine pushed me out, eager to get rid of me. Soon I found myself back at the ryokan I was staying at; Iβd picked it for being the only inn without an onsen. The steaming water didnβt reach this part of town, and instead, it offered a room with a deep wooden bath. It didnβt take me long before I was soaking in it, washing away the pain of the shrine. It wasnβt as enjoyable as an onsen, but I hadnβt been able to enjoy it since that night.
The water was deliciously hot, just how I liked it. Sweat rolled down Ryoichiβs naked body, tempting. I followed the drops from his brow, caressing his body just how I wanted to. I shifted, straddling his lap and winding my arms around his neck. He looked up at me then, wide eyes and a growing smirk.
βHotaka,β he had said, happy.
He thought he knew how the evening would end, how it should have ended. Sweet confessions of poetic love, tainted with blood.
I miss him. It still hurts.Β
Β Maybe heβd taken a part of my soul with him. It would explain why it felt looser than normal after a kill. I felt like I was falling apart, breaking into a thousand pieces.
After my bath, I slipped into a navy-blue yukata, leaving it slightly loose. The summer months were always tough on the skin, and despite not feeling the heat much, I spent a lot of time sweating. A downside to a human body.
My stomach grumbled with hunger, and I cursed myself for staying out too late. I would need to return to the town for food as mealtime was long over at the ryokan. I quickly shoved my purse of koban into my obi and head for the door, stopping only to switch from slippers to wooden geta in the entranceway.
It was the sixth month of the yearβββIβd have to wait until nearly midnight for the summer sky to be dark enough to talk to Tsukuyomiβββand the streets were brimming with people, excited, ecstatic, the energy from them palpable. They travelled in groups, families, all heading in the same direction. Part of me wanted to check them all for magic, the habit deeply ingrained after so long. My stores were full enough for now, but I could never be too careful. Without magic I couldnβt live like this; I probably couldnβt live at all. Iβd been warned never to use it all and Iβd taken it seriously.
For tonight, I didnβt have to find another mark. My mind was too full, and his magic was serving me well enough. But not my stomach, which growled ever louder.
βPlease,β I grumbled under my breath. βI will find something soon.β
I followed the crowds towards the market in search of food stalls. Each person was without a care, happily buried in whatever thoughts they had. It was fascinating and confusing. The moon didnβt hang in the sky anymore. Did they not miss it? Are they not worried? Tsukuyomi did so much for them and their world. And yet here they were: laughing, playing, fanning themselves from the stuffy heat.
The smell of fish led me to a nearby stall where the owner stood behind a grill, cooking raw fish. Taking a selection and two sticks of dango from the stall opposite, I stood enjoying the food and quelling the anger of my stomach. With the lingering taste of the sweet rice treat on my lips, I started to walk back to the ryokan until a booming thrum forced me to stop.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
I winced. Iβd mistimed my visit here.
A second, third, fourth wadaiko joined in, the drumming clear in the night. Somewhere, a new chorus followed: flutes, the metal clang of atarigane, and a deeper drumming boom of oodaiko. Finally came the call of voices. Dokkoisho! Dokkoisho!
Heave ho! Heave ho!
The words only called during a festival.
I tried to run, but was stopped only by the throngs of people heading towards me. Children jumped full of excitement, I had to weave to avoid them, trying to get as far away as I could. Just a little further. It was hard not to feel the energy of the town as the festival began; even from here it lured me in, the beat wrapping around my soul. Such pure energy from humans, I couldnβt resist it. I felt my body protesting, wanting to join the festival. We hadnβt seen one in so longβ¦ surely just one night would be fine? Summer always had the best festivals. The almost magical atmosphere had surprised me at first; Iβd never felt anything like it in the human world before.
I stopped. Again, voices were calling, dokkoisho! Dokkoisho! The wadaiko were booming in time with my heartbeat; I could see the men striking them in time with each other, their movements perfect. All the musicians played their part, luring the crows closer. My feet followed effortlessly as I was swept along. I could hardly move within the crush of people, but it wasnβt suffocating. I enjoyed the closeness. I felt part of something bigger than myself, bigger than Hotaka.
Mesmerised by everything around me, my voice joined with the return call. βDokkoisho! Dokkoisho!β
Now in a wider street, a new light surrounded me as bamboo poles carrying hundreds of lanterns passed us by. To the beat they were suddenly hefted upwards, swaying as the men who carried them rested the poles on their shoulders. With another call they were raised higher, new poles adding to the bottom, the lanterns sailing higher into the moonless sky. The words slipped from my mouth. The sight of the golden lanterns struck me deep, each one like a moon of itβs own. Three, four times they were raised again until they filled the starry sky.
I called from my soul: dokkoisho! Dokkoisho!
The feeling was a balm for my heart. Iβd been so caught up dealing with Tsukuyomi, I forgot why I wanted to be around humans in the first place. Their lives were short and they put all their energy into everything they did. War, love, sex; Iβd experienced so much, and yet so little. With Hotaka, weβd have a lifetime to consume it all.
Maybe there was more for us here than chasing after a god who didnβt want to listen. I needed to forget about Tsukuyomi, for a short while at least. Humans would provide as they always had. And if Tsukuyomi still doesnβt want to listen afterβ¦ I would call out to Amaterasu or Susanoo. Iβd done everything Tsukuyomi had said: Iβd killed, Iβd hunted down his enemies, and now he ignored me.
Perhaps I would even call for Ukemochi instead. They hated Tsukuyomi for ruining the feast summoned for him. After spitting out fish and game from their mouth and pulling more food from other orifices, Tsukuyomi had been disgusted and murdered them. Amaterasu had been furious at her brother for killing the deity of food and he hid away and only showed himself during the night. As I flew the skies, I felt as the sun and the moon blazed and froze the air in their wrath. Below us all, the humans scrambled around desperate to appease them, building shrines and praying each day. Fear left them wide eyed and obedient, begging for stability once again. All those centuries before Iβd been fearful too, hiding above the clouds, wishing I could help those small helpless creatures.
Perhaps now was my chance, I could offer Ukemochi information for advice, for help in keeping this body alive at all costs.
Allegiance counted for nothing when survival meant everything.
And I always survive.
βDo you hear that Tsukuyomi?β I growled. βI always survive.β
I snapped out of my thoughts as a new, faster beat boomed, deeper still. My soul wanted to be free again; I could feel it fluttering in my core, loosening from the body. The spell of the night sought to free my true self to all the people, to undo all that weβd endured. Iβd spent too long watching the humans from afar for this to happen now. How would anyone want to be around us if they knew the truth?
They cannot see me.
I started to panic, I needed to escape, but I was caught in the dizzying trap of people and voices and the continual beat of the music. It lulled me side to side, the vibrations resonating in my chest, warming my soul. Everyoneβs eyes followed me, watching as we feebly pushed through a crowd to find another. There was no escape. My vision blurred. All I could see was swaying lights going back and forth then back and forth. We canβt escape.
Let it take you, Hotaka. I always survive.
***
Warm sun washed over my face as I lay awake contemplating the night before. Summer was always a problem for me, full of festivals and energy; itβd been no wonder Iβd lost control. I should have known better. But, part of me was glad for it. Iβd enjoyed the freedom, the warmth, and even the fear.
It had been many years since I had almost lost my soul like that, however I had been moving from battlefield to battlefield with Ryoichi for many years. There had been no time for something so grand. My soul had stayed rooted inside of me.
Instead, my heart had loosened. A pang, an ache; I couldnβt think about him now.
I pushed the uncomfortable thoughts away and yawned, stretching my limbs out and wiggling my neck, narrowly avoiding kicking someone in the head. Iβd woken in a pile of snoring bodies, all revellers from the night before. I had no clue how I had arrived here, nor would I be able to find out as I planned to sneak away while they ate. I didnβt trust myself fully around them; I was barely holding onto my soul and one slip of the tongue could ruin it all.
Floating in the morning air came the sound of a koto, the melodic strings plucking a lonely song. Tears welled in my eyes and I felt the pressing need to find the one playing it. Who could be lamenting at such a time, with the sun shining and the day just beginning?
I lazily climbed up off the futon and rearranged my creased yukata, tucking it tighter into the obi. A clink of coins let me know my koban hadnβt been stolen, thankfully. I sniffed myself. The lingering smell of sweat permeated the fabric; I was close to begging for a wash before going anywhere. How could bodies begin to smell so fast?
Nobody stirred as I stepped over them to exit, feet planting between flailed arms and legs. Iβd find clean clothes later, perhaps throw myself in the river on the way back. Through empty rooms and hallways, I followed the sound, peering round each corner hoping to find my mystery koto player.
βOhayo,β came the sleepy good morning as a short man passed me.
βOhayogozaimasu,β the upbeat maids called, ushering me from the kitchen Iβd wandered into.
Sliding open another door, I found my way outside to a small courtyard. Under a plum tree, practising in sunbeams, knelt the koto player. Her eyes never moved from the wooden instrument, her deft fingers plucking the strings with experience.
Iβd tried to play once before, lounging around in Ryoichiβs bedroom, watching him trying to master the strings. He had a terrible ear for melodies and the screeching of bad notes became unbearable at times, but now it brought a smile to my face. It was a memory I treasured, and didnβt deserve to keep.
I made my way towards her, kneeling to listen as the song progressed, the notes falling sadder and sadder. Tears stained my yukata as they fell into the fabric against my will, blossoming out like spilled ink. Slowly, the notes faded into a stop, leaving me tear-stained and empty.
βThat was beautiful,β I breathed, wiping the last tears away with my sleeve.
Β Humans were incredible.
βI was hoping you would enjoy it, I played it for you.β
I froze. βFor me?β
One finger on the koto string, she slid a screeching note. βObake.β
Despite my fear I raised my eyes to hers hoping Iβd misheard, but her eyes bore into mine, bypassing the flesh, reaching into my being. How does she know?
I forced a laugh. βObake? Why are you calling for shapeshifters? I donβtββββ
Smack!
Her palm hit my forehead, jolting my magical senses. Instantly, I could sense the magic around me. She was surrounded in it. Black tendrils emanated from her small body, unlike the magic which surrounded humans. Their magic swirled in purples, deepening to black only when concentrated. The hairs on my neck stood on end.
I hadnβt felt this before.
I shoved her arm away and scrambled to my feet.
βI can sense you, like all yokai,β she called, watching me carefully. βSo which are you? Kitsune? Bakeneko? You feel like a cat spirit, but I see no tail.β
Me, a cat spirit? I tamped down my anger. How dare she compare me to such things. I was much more than that.
A smirk formed as she stood there in the golden light, short black hair held back by a sakura-adorned clip, her kimono similarly patterned. There was nothing dangerous about her looks at all, and yet every sense was screaming at me to run.
βYou have nothing to fear from me. I am here to help you.β
βDidnβt you know, calling for yokai is bad luck,β I said, trying to restrain a hiss.
Kneeling, her fingers returned to the strings, a hastily-plucked tune, and my chest surged, pulling me closer to the koto. I gritted my teeth as my feet stepped closer, betraying me once again.
βYour soul is loose,β she said, looking me up and down. βA bad weakness. I saw you last night too; the lights grew brighter around you, the calls louder. If it werenβt for me, you wouldnβt have woken up in safety.β Her fingers moved from the koto and settled in her lap. βSee, I wonβt use this now. You may leave if you wish, or you can listen to me.β
Free from her spell, I hastily turned my back on her, hurrying out of the courtyard before she could call me back. How dare she use such magic on me, to say such things. I didnβt believe a word, couldnβt believe it. No person could have such power.
Unless she wasnβt human.
She wasnβt a god, at least, for she didnβt know my true form. I could never hide that from the gods.
Rushing back through the hallways finding the main door, I dodged the newly awoken people, never looking back, instead heading on and on. I need to keep going. Always forwards.
There was never anything for me looking back. I learnt that the hard way.
The streets were mostly empty in the morning sun. Remnants of the festival still lingered and the people cleaning were full of life. I half-expected more calls of dokkoisho to ring in the air. At first, Iβd thought this place relaxing, with its festival air and the happiness of its people, but it had been a false sense of security. It always was. It had clouded my mind and made me weak.
I couldnβt risk going back to the ryokan, wondering how much Iβd been watched all this time. I would have to leave my belongings behind for now. Staying around humans was still risky, especially if there were more like her out there. But where could I go?
My mind turned to the shrine, quiet and unused. If I could slip into the forest, I might be able to stay hidden and figure out a better plan. It would have to do for now. I would beg the gods for protection if it came to it.
I was fairly confident finding my way around the town. I had only been here for a few days, but after you visited so many towns, they began to feel the same. Even the shrines looked similar, tucked away in secluded areas. They felt different, however, and I could tell which gods had visited each shrine. I had to open my magical sense to see the marks left behind by their presence. Tsukuyomiβs was obvious to me now, a cold white magic hanging around in wisps. Amaterasuβs was the opposite, a golden aura which enveloped the whole shrine.
The surrounding trees were as tall and imposing as last time, and I pleaded under my breath for them to let me past this time. I hurried out of sight, rushing along the stone path, careful to avoid the water. Unlike last time, my magical sense was open, my forehead still tingling from the attack earlier. I scanned around for any tell-tale signs of godsβββthe splash of even the tiniest colour. And yet, nothing. No magic of theirs remained to stain the air.
My stomach twisted in worry. Even in the overgrown abandoned shrines deep in the country, signs of the gods still lingered, brought to life by prayer. This was the first time Iβd found one clear of anything.
Running up the steps, I stopped at the torii gate and pressed my hand to it. There was still a kind of magic here, I could feel the change from mortal to godsβ realm.
βThey wonβt come here,β a voice said from behind me. I spun to find the koto player watching me. βYou might be in their realm, but they donβt want to listen. Not after what youβve done.β
How did she sneak up on me?
I let go of the torii gate and continued up the steps. I wasnβt going anywhere near her. Instead, Iβd have to try to contact the gods.
βWait.β Her steps were hurried as she followed. βIβm sorry, I was too excited. Iβve only ever met small yokai before. I truly donβt mean to hurt you. My name is Ayane.β
I ignored her and kept going, each footstep heavier than the last. She could say whatever she liked. I was not going to trust her. Her words, however, were concerning. They donβt want to listen. To me, or everyone? At the top of the steps, I stopped. What if she knows more?
βWhy?β
βWhy?β Ayane paused a few steps from the top and shrugged. βGods can be fickle. Even the smallest thing can set them off. But for youββββ She walked closer to me with an intense stare. βYou killed so many, plenty of their favourites. I donβt even need to be told. Your soul reeks of it. Youβve visited all the shrines in this area trying to contact them. None of them have listened, but they know youβve been calling. Why should they help you?β
βHowββββ
Ayane smiled and ran off to the haiden, stopping at the donation box to pray. I glanced around the area sensing for any magic, or any indication the gods were listening to her. But again, silence.
Before I could move, my blood ran cold. Bright light submerged the shrine, leaving me breathless and vulnerable. The power washed over me: overwhelming, powerful, nothing like Iβd felt before. I couldnβt resist the feeling tearing at my soul. Looser and looser still. I flailed, trying to hold on to even the thread of something to keep me grounded.
And then it was over.
βAre you still alive?β asked Ayane, her voice somewhere nearby.
Was I?
I tried opening my eyes but my body wouldnβt listen; a chill ran down me as I helplessly panicked.
βUkemochi has heard you calling to Tsukuyomi over and over, and she wants to bless you. But we know you would fight it. Youβve been running and hiding amongst the humans for so long, thatβs all you know how to do. Ukemochi says Tsukuyomi has betrayed you, deceiving and leaving you to fend for yourself all this time. Sky gods are all the same.β
As I lay there, my body barely registering what was happening, I could begin to feel my soul being wrenched away. The wavering tones washed over me, the tune finally releasing me from Hotakaβs body.
βAh, so thatβs what you are.β Ayaneβs voice lingered close. βNot a cat spirit at all. Ukemochi can use you for sure. Be sure to thank them.β
What?
The koto slowed, the deep vibrations plucking away the last of me. Weightless. I soared into the skies and felt like I could breathe, that all the weight Iβd been carrying had been lifted. When I opened my eyes finally, the world came alive. Colours, bright and vivid, splashed over everything I saw. The shrine once full of greys and browns now shone red and orange.
Iβveβ¦ missed this.
Hands now wings, humans now tiny specks from the sky above. There on the stone lay the body which had been ours. Hotaka. Black hair spilled, skin now paled and no breath was drawn. Soon it would be too late. There was no returning. Itβd been painful enough the first time, abandoning the great form of the vermillion birdβββthe suzaku. Iβd ripped myself into feathers and fallen to the world below, taking the dying body beneath me, merging my everything with him. Together weβd become Hotaka. Together weβd roamed the country. Together weβd killed to survive.
βSuzaku.β
I tore my eyes from my dying bodyβββHotakaβs dying bodyβββto see the voice that commanded me. Their presence hit me first, a nourishing warmth, making me feel sated and at peace, if only for a moment.
βYouβre a long way from home here, arenβt you?β The presence formed a figure, a woman in a flowing green kimono floating in the skies beside me. βDid you dislike the south?β
βIβ¦ donβt remember,β I answered, trying to recall all those years ago. βI remember seeing them, the humans. I wanted to be with them, see them close up.β
I looked down to the ground, to where Hotaka lay, already missing the feel of being down there.
βOf course. Humans are intriguing creatures. Ayane has told me about you, brought you here to me.β They pulled a fan from their emerald obi and pointed it at me. βI have returned you to this form. Isnβt that better? Thereβs no use hiding down there. If you want our attention, this is how you do it, not in some stolen body.β
I growled, βI did not steal a body, it was given to me.β
Without me, Hotaka would have died.
I faced the figure. βWho are you?β
βI am Ukemochi. I released you from that human prison. I know you wanted to speak to Tsukuyomi, but he will not hear you. He is far from here.β They approached, hand running across my vermillion feathers, caressing them with delicate fingers. I was frozen by their magic surrounding me.
βYou did as he said. Youβve been living off the energy of other humans,β they continued. βHe misled you, however. That is why you have killed.β Ukemochiβs voice grew chilled. βDid you really think you could kill all our followers and get away with it? Youβve been as bad as him; the cruelness seeps into you as well. I should shatter your spirit here and now.β
No! Hotaka needs me.
How long had he been without breath now? How much longer could he last?
I tried to pull from Ukemochi, reaching for Hotaka. Perhaps my magic could reach him, keep him safe until we combined again.
Hotaka. The only time I felt like I had true freedom, sharing his body, his senses, his experiences with the world. The sky was a lonely place, down here Iβd experienced love, hate, and being surrounded by thousands of souls.
βSuzaku,β Ukemochi called. βYou will not reach that body. You say you it was given, but did the others ask to be killed? You stole from them, all of them.β
βHe said it was how I would survive,β I hissed back, recalling the words Tsukuyomi had said: If you want to live in the human world, you must have magic. Some humans have magic; it grows largest at death. Take it.
Ukemochi scoffed. βHe lied. If that were the way, then all humans would be dead, or would fear us. He spurns anything he hates and spurns you now as much as me. I created a feast for him, and he murdered me. You feasted, and he ignores you. Such an irony.β
I pulled away from Ukemochi, trying to get a distance from their words. It couldnβt be true. Why would he lie to me if he let me have this?
βSuzaku, you cannot carry on killing. I feel the fire within you, but with each death, the other gods notice you more and more. Soon they will order your execution.β They smiled, emanating warmth once again. βAyane has told me about you. We can help, find a new way of life for you.β
βBut Hotakaββββ
ββββmust die. Your merging with the human causes too much chaos. You will kill again.β
βYou would let another human die then?β
βOne life to save yours, I think that is suitable. He would have died eventually anyway. Thatβs why you picked him, isnβt it?β
I stared at them. How much did they know? How much did any of them know? Could they see into my mind even now? See how Iβd seen Hotaka, broken and alone, crying out to anyone who could hear him as rain fell on his dying body. Iβd wrapped him in my wings, giving him a chance at life.
He lay dying again now, out of my reach, lips tinged blue. Moments more and death would take him forever. I hadnβt saved him for this, to die at a shrine after having me ripped away. Was he in pain? Weβd never been this close to death before. Weβd always escaped. He canβt escape this.
βI will not forsake him.β
βSuzaku,β Ukemochi growled, eyes blazing in fury. βHe is dead. You will be dead. I will shatter you across the skies so that youβll never be found.β
Theyβre scaredβ¦ scared of me? I cannot tell who is lying.
βTsukuyomi!β I cried, pouring all my soul into the call. βHear me.β
The sky shone bright in the morning. Tsukuyomi was at his weakest. How could he hear me?
What ifβ¦
I spread my wings wide, spreading each feather as far as it could go, blanketing the sky in a red darkness. Perhaps it would be enough. It had to be.
Ukemochi scanned the skies, iron fan now open and striking at my feathers. And yet I still held, even as I watched my feathers break away, falling to the shrine below in tattered pieces. I would withstand this until the end if I had to. I placed my trust in Tsukuyomi. If he lied, then I hoped Ukemochi would deal with him. Me howeverβ¦
A screech passed my beak as the blood-splattered blades hit deep, but I still persevered.
βTsukuyomi,β I cried once more with the last of my faith, wailing throughout the sky. Ukemochiβs attack continued relentlessly, close to breaking my being.
In the last shred of my darkness, a light formed, dusty white, barely illuminating the darkness. From it stepped a haggard man, frail and cold. He looked weaker than when Iβd seen him before, eyes sunk into his greying skin and strands of silver hair barely holding on. A white kimono swamped his thin body.
βYou listened,β I said, astonished.
Tsukuyomi stared blankly around him, not registering the world around him.
What is going on? What have they done to you?
βYou,β he whispered, chilled voice haunting, finger pointing towards Ukemochi. βI killed you. You planned to poison the gods.β
Ceasing the attack on me, Ukemochi turned to Tsukuyomi. βI did noββββ
βThe feast for Amaterasu, the food brought forth from your mouthββββ
βSee how he lies, even now,β Ukemochi crooned, returning to my side. βThe gods have been punishing him, thatβs why heβs so weak.β
I didnβt understand.
βSuzaku,β Tsukuyomi called. βI need your faith, as always.β
βIβm here.β
βNo,β Ukemochi growled, hands reaching for my broken wings once more.
Crack.
The darkness faltered. My wing drooped as searing pain flooded, blood now gushing, and feathers fell in clumps below. I cried and screeched and yelled as I saw snapped bones in Ukemochiβs hands, ripped from my body. Broken shards lanced crimson-stained feathers, and I called magic to keep me in the air, the last of my reserves. Ukemochi grappled me again, and I thrashed until another crack rang through my body. I was not strong enough to best a god.
Only a god can defeat a god.
βHotaka,β I called beneath me, flailing to stay airborne in any way I could, hoping he could hear me. βHotaka, listen. The other gods must know this. Remember when you wakeβ¦β
My magic failed. Chest hollow. Mind numb.
Down and down I fell, spiralling into a fast plummet. The shrine sped into my vision until I landed, spirit shattering on the stone. Hotakaβs body lay beside me, last breath drawn too long ago.
I have to tell them all.
βTsukuββββ
Spirit broken, soul shattered, body cold. I cried with the last of my being, hoping itβd be enough, hoping there was still a way out of this. My vision was blurring, the light of the sun burning strong. I felt myself fading away.
β¦But, I always survive.
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